THE TATTOOED POLICE HORSE (1964)

Did you know there is such a thing at trotting horse races? Yeah, we didn’t either until this made for TV movie. It’s about a horse who just wants to gallop and so he keeps breaking his stride in the trotting races. So he gets sold a couple times and eventually ends up as a police horse in Boston. This movie, however, was slower than watching a race that only consists of trotting horses. It was pretty boring and although I did care about the horse, I felt like, what is it that makes the horse happy? Because I thought that he wanted to be fast, but then, in the end, he ends up back at the trotting races. What? Why not just put him in the regular races? Whatever. He seemed happy as a police horse to me.

 

THE FIRST KID (1996)

The son of the President just wants to be a normal kid. But being constantly guarded and followed by paparazzi makes it difficult. Life gets better for him though, when he gets a new body guard who helps him have the life he has always wanted. The movie was kinda fun but not the greatest. The kid was kind of annoying, but he was supposed to be since he was acting out in protest of his protected strict life. The ending was a bit bizarre, but sure, I guess we’ll believe it.

 

PINOCCHIO (1940)

Question: Why did Geppetto send Pinocchio to school by himself? Man, that puppet just came to life that night! He doesn’t know what anything is, let alone how to get to school. I know you are new to this father thing, but walk that boy to school! You could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble. Anyway, moving on from that. This movie is one of Disney’s classics, but to be honest, it kind of is a weird movie. It feels more like three movies in one. As though it came from a TV series and they put three episodes together to make a movie. First the story of Pinocchio being an actor, then Pinocchio going to Pleasure Island, and then the whole trapped in a whale part. You know, that is an intense first few days of Pinocchio’s life. Speaking of Pleasure Island, the scene where the boy turns into a donkey is actually pretty creepy. And the poor boys who are already donkey’s and just want their mommas is heartbreaking. Overall, while this actually isn’t one of top Disney movies, it does get bonus points for being a classic and is definitely one that everyone needs to check out.

 

WALL-E (2008)

OK, Wall-E definitely has its moments. It is a good story and Wall-E is very cute. The imagery is beautiful and I am in awe with how much emotion Pixar can put into a mechanical robot’s eyes. I love the scene where the malfunctioning rogue robots are on the run with Wall-E, like a bunch of escaped mental patients. But overall, this is just not one of our favorites. It just isn’t one we have to watch all the time. While I think it is a good one to watch at least once or twice, I think you can call it good after that. P.S. Wall-E sure can make a fire extinguisher last a long time!

 

SUMMER MAGIC (1963)

Ever watched a movie where it ends and you think…what was this movie even about? Well, this is one of those movies. I mean, I guess stuff was happening, but we kind of just kept waiting for something to happen. Instead, we were just watching the lives of this family that recently moved to a new town after their father died. That’s about it. Then there was this awful song the girls sing about “how to catch a beau”. All you need to do is be feminine and not yourself. Hide the real you. I think this song was supposed to be a little bit of a joke considering the characters and the time it was set it, but we still aren’t exactly sure if it was serious or not. It didn’t make it clear enough for me. Either way, the song made me want to yell at those girls, “Shush your mouths!” The movie had a couple good laughs and it brought us the “Ugly Bug Ball” song, but other than that it isn’t one you have to watch.

 

THE COUNTRY BEARS (2002)

I was not looking forward to this movie. I remember when it came out and I thought it looked dumb. However, I do think the attraction in Disney World is fun. The bear who sings about “blood all around” is my favorite with the girls who sing “every guy who turns me on turns me down” at a close second. But this movie actually turned out to be not as bad as I thought, but it still isn’t great. Why does no one care that this family has adopted a bear as their own son? Why is the bear so confused as to why he is so different from his human family? Aside from that, there were some moments that made us laugh. Like how the movie completely dates itself by using popular early 2000s pop stars that turned out to be one hit wonders as cameos. We had to look up almost every cameo to see who they were supposed to be. We knew the songs they were famous for but didn’t know them, and none of them are around anymore as far as we know. Aside from that, the story was OK but I did get bored and found it hard to focus. And we were bummed that not one song from the Disney World attraction it’s based on made it into the movie. In all honesty, we think this is one you can skip but give it a try if you are a fan of the attraction.

 

CARS 3 (2017)

*SPOILERS* If you saw the teaser for this movie, you were just as excited as we were. Oh no! Lightning McQueen crashed! What is going to happen?!? Well, the movie took a while to get going for us. The first 10ish minutes or so it felt pretty slow and we couldn’t help but feel like “when is this going to get going?”. But then luckily it picked up, and we were interested. Then, the moment came. Lightning crashed! We were ready to see how Lightning would get through this….but then we were bamboozled! Right after the crash, we jumped ahead in time to see a healed, just not painted, Lightning McQueen. We felt like, the teaser for this movie was all about the crash. The trailers were all about how will Lightning come back after this. And while the rest of the movie does deal with Lightning trying to get himself back to what he once was, we can’t help but feel like we missed out on seeing the direct results of Lightning dealing with his crash. We jump ahead to a time when he has already pretty much dealt with it, it’s over and we are moving on. How can it be over and we’re moving on?? This big crash just happened and now I am expected to just drop it. as a viewer I wanted to experience the after math with Lightening more then I was able to. Also, why can’t we ever actually just see Lightning win a race? The first movie, he sacrifices his win to help The King finish, in the second movie the world race never finishes because of the James Bond stuff happening, and then in this one, he gives up finishing so Cruz can have her dream come true. Ok yes, I love Lightning for putting other people’s happiness above his own. But can I just see him win at the end of the movie? Come on! He deserves it!  I mean I know at the beginning of this movie we know he is successful, we see the trophies. But we were only told about it. We never got to see and experience it with him. So aside from that, this movie did far better than Cars 2 but it still falls short of the original movie. However, we did like it and do recommend you go see it.

 

THE ONE AND ONLY, GENUINE, ORIGINAL FAMILY BAND (1968)

So I had watched this movie a couple years ago for the first time and was not looking forward to watching it again. I was expecting a movie about a family band. I thought they would go to this competition and we would be watching them perform. Well, it was about that for 5 minutes. Then it was all about politics. Should Dakota become two states? Republican vs Democrats. I kept thinking, what they heck is this movie? So for the second time, I was more prepared and turns out, once I stopped wondering why this movie wasn’t really about the family band and actually about a presidential campaign and the splitting of the Dakota state, it was a little better. A little. It also helps to watch this movie with a friend where you are able to laugh about the ridiculousness and make jokes about it. I think young kids would get bored of the movie as we did a bit. But I have to admit that it was better the second time around, but not one I need to see a third.

 

THAT DARN CAT (1965)

Haley Mills finishes her Disney child star acting days with the original That Darn Cat. Haley stars as Patti, the owner of DC the cat who comes home one day with a watch around his neck with the word “help” carved on it. Patti and FBI agent, Zeke, must follow DC to try and look for a kidnapped bank teller and the men who took her and stole the bank’s money. So the 1997 version kept a similar story line but carried it out differently with different side stories. This one felt a little long and we kinda got bored eventually. Also, what was the point of Patti’s sister? She didn’t really add anything. At least Patti’s annoying friend caused some conflict for Patti and Zeke to have to work around. The sister is just there. So overall, I don’t need to see it again.

 

UP (2009)

OH MY STARS THIS MOVIE! If you can watch the first 10 minutes of this movie and not cry, then you are just like Chandler Bing and are dead inside. So many emotions in the first part, I can barely take it. Laugh, awe cute, swoon, love, heartache, sorrow, loss, heartbreak. Whoa. My heart, my heart! Apart from your heart going through the emotional roller-coaster of an entire relationship, the movie is actually very fun. In order to avoid going to the old folks home, Carl decides to take his house across the equator via balloon to live at Paradise Falls, the dream vacation spot of his and his now deceased wife, Ellie. Carl goes on an epic adventure with the hilarious boy scout, Russell, who just wants to earn a badge for assisting the elderly. This movie is a great story, with funny characters, and a grand adventure. Definitely check it out, but have a box of tissues ready.